


64.2008° N, 149.4937° W

by matryoshka (Evil_Overlord)



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Drug Addiction, F/F, Slight Transphobia, Time Skips, Vague setting, mentions of depression, trans!Katya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 20:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12689286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Overlord/pseuds/matryoshka
Summary: "…Alaska," she remembers the first time she saw her. She hasn’t seen this Alaska in photograph before. She was so awestricken that all she could do was repeat her name. Alaska was the prettiest girl she ever saw, still is, and at that time, little Brian wanted to marry her and also wanted to be her.





	64.2008° N, 149.4937° W

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello this is Evil_Overlord, writer of No one here. I decided I wanted to post my stuff now under this pseudonym, matryoshka. You can find me on artificial queens under the name, matryoshka so yep. Just a little reintroductions.
> 
> This fic is pretty vague and confusing, and was pretty written impulsively. But i'm leaving it up to you and your interpretation and explanation on the events here. I know this is not yet the Christmas fic, but it was something that went to my head, and I've written in my phone. Again, it's all over the place because it's by me. It is a bit Katya-centric, and she is trans here, the story kind of revolves around baby Brian figuring it out, and throw in some Alaska, so it's Katlaska. The title of the fic is actually just the GPS coordinates of Alaska (accdg to google at least, im not a geographer,) and it will make sense once you've read it. So, here's another Katlaska, hope you enjoy! 

She doesn't know when it all started and when it all stopped, but she's back. Katya's back and she doesn't know why, where. All that she was able to recall was that when she was still a tiny little boy, she had this place. She would always want to be tucked early because she had this place, where little boy Brian turns into this princess Katya, and she had Alaska, and everything feels right.

 

The first time she’s been in the place there were snowy mountains enclosing a giant field of grass, and there was a lake. She thought that she’s seen this pace before. It was Alaska in photographs from her geography class. But she knew this wasn’t Alaska because it feels too personal, that place was all hers, until someone pulled at the hem of her sleeve.  
  
"My name's Alaska, what's yours?"  
  
"…Alaska," she remembers the first time she saw her. She hasn’t seen this Alaska in photograph before. She was actually convinced she ascended to heaven and saw an angel. Alaska was this tiny little blonde girl, with fair porcelain skin so unlike Brian’s bruised ones from playing outside, big doe eyes compared to Brian’s deep dead blues, rose pink lips, wearing all white and smaller than her, and somehow she thought that the name Alaska doesn't sound fitting for her. She was so awestricken that all she could do was repeat her name. Alaska was the prettiest girl she ever saw, still is, and at that time, little Brian wanted to marry her and also wanted to be her.  
  
"Silly, you're not Alaska, I'm Alaska!" that was the first time she saw her laugh and smile, and her eyes and nose crinkle when she does that, and it's the best sight and the best sound ever. Since then, she made it so that Alaska always smiles.  
  
"I don't know what my name is, I don't want to be called Brian here."  
  
"Brian? Why don't you want to be called Brian?"  
  
"Because that's my boy name, and I don't want that,"

  
"why do you have a boy name?"

  
"because I’m a boy?"  
  
"But, are you a boy?" Alaska had asked that question with pure curiosity, looking up at her, and it struck baby Brian that no, she wasn't a boy. It explains baby Brian’s love for pink, envy for his sister’s dolls and ribbons and shoes, why he wants to grow long hair, and that it was alright, Alaska is fine with her being a girl, then it should be fine, right?  
  
"Hmm, never mind. I'll call you Katya. Because see," Alaska grew impatient at her silence, and grabs her wrist and grins, pulling up the wrist she’s grabbing to show Katya, "caught ya," and this place was suddenly her favorite place, containing her favorite person, so she breaks into laughter, feeling genuinely happy.  
  
She can be Katya.  
  
When she returned that first time, she remembers being the little Brian who had excitedly told his parents that he's not a boy only to be slapped by his father. She didn't understood then why she was slapped, how come back there things were so easy, dresses, dolls, dandelions, daisies, but in here, it was as if dresses, dolls, dandelions, daisies, and she were wrong wrong.  
  
Father had hit him, and mother told her to stop talking about it. She obeyed. Pretty soon she got addicted of sleeping because sleeping would mean being there, being herself, being with Alaska. She slept and slept and wished she would not wake up to leave. Wake up in the body of Brian, in the clothes of this boy, go to school, listen to his parents, interact with people, but not Alaska.  
  
"What do you do when I'm not here,"  
  
"Nothing, It gets really lonely without you here, so I just lie down and sleep, I guess. The grass is really soft here, and the weather is always nice and perfect."  
  
"You mean, you just lie down here? Don't you go home or something?"  
  
"What do you mean, this is home. Silly Katya," and there she believes that she is actually just silly Katya, not a trace of the poor boy, Brian. Don’t get her wrong, she loves Brian, but Brian just feels wrong, like a curse, a cage, and she knows she’s not him, but Brian also needs help. By being the cage, the poor boy is also caged, trapped. She feels like Brian was his own mistake, and she doesn’t want him to feel that anymore. And to do that, she needs Brian gone, they both need him gone, at rest.  
  
When she's awake, she feels dead, and when she sleeps, she feels alive and truly herself. She started skipping classes, sleeping, skipping meals, just sleeping. The school warned her of expulsion, she became very skinny, and that was okay, she gets to be at that place, as herself, with Alaska. They basically grew up together now.  
  
Her parents decided to intervene. That's when they forced her into therapies, sessions, school, and the church. They made her drink pills and tablets. Until she just got sick of it. When she sleeps now, she doesn't always see Alaska, which was weird. She suspected the pills being given to her were the reason. And she can't take them anymore, so she throw them away, but her father saw it.  
  
"Son, we love you, and we worry about you. Please do this for us, but more so for yourself"  
  
She wants to laugh at that. It's funny how they claim to love, care, and support her when they don't recognize the first thing about her.  
  
"I'm not your son, please. Dad, I’ve told you, I'm your daughter, Katya."  
  
"Brian, we've been through this. Listen, son--"  
  
"Call me son one more time!"  
  
Her father decided that that was enough. They forced her to forget about the conversation (if you would call slapping your child a conversation) they had when she was younger, took him shopping, strictly making sure she shops in the men's section, introducing her to their neighbors, giving her strict monthly haircuts. It was suffocating, and she thought that she was doing them a favor by letting them do what they want because at least she still has that place and Alaska, but now, they're taking her away too, and she can't have that. Alaska is probably the only person keeping her sane, accepting her, and she can't lose her. So she lost everything else, but her heart feels light, she feels free. She's a she. She moved out. And got rid of all of Brian. At that moment, there was only Katya.  
  
But then she stopped seeing her, she stopped getting back to their place. She thought she'll wait for the pills to stop working, then she'll be able to be with Alaska every time she sleeps. But she felt like life just fucked her over, when it's already been a month, and she was never able to return. That's why she started doing drugs. She never understood how she got there, maybe she was just crazy, ill, she doesn't know, but she thought that it was a magic of her brain, so why not help my brain remember, get there. She did all the jobs she could get, prostitution, stole from the shop she worked at, became an entertainer, well, the funniest jokes usually had the darkest foundations, she got high and very high each day. She was just so desperate to be back. She promised Alaska, she'll see her tomorrow.  
  
"Hey, Katya, let me hook you up with this,"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"This is strong, I heard you've been looking for real strong ones, so"  
  
"oh, sure, give me, what's it called,"  
  
"Alaskan Thunderfuck"  
  
Katya thinks this is it. Her key to getting back to her. She could finally be pulled out of this chaos, this storm, and be with her. In her calm, warm presence. She probably took too much of it, but fuck it. If death's the only way back to Alaska, so be it. She’s coming home. She imagines Alaska lying down, for years and years, waiting for her. Alaska's lonely. Alaska. She thinks of her as she sees how near she is from finishing the pack. Alaska. Where does she live, how did she get there. Did Katya just created her, designed her in her brain, was she just crazy? Were everyone else right? Fuck that, the question Katya wants answered most know is would she still be there, lying down, waiting for her? Katya realizes that the person she's been obsessed for in so long was a total stranger to her. But at the same time she's not. Katya knows Alaska's favorite time, her greatest fears, she knows how she whines when she loses, and so Katya lets her win, most of the time. The other times, she'd just love to tease her. Katya also knows, for a fact that Alaska is the most beautiful being she would ever lay eyes upon.  
  
She remembers almost crying at how much she misses Alaska so bad, it’s like losing her own person; Alaska’s actually been a huge part of Katya, just Katya, never Brian, and she needs that. She remembers plunging into her sofa and watching her ceiling melt into goopy colors before she is being pulled into a very nostalgic sensation, and then she's back. She forgot how long it has been. The place is still the same field of dandelions, the pleasantly warm sun, the single tree, and beneath it, within its shade was Alaska. It was her. Her heart sinks at the thought of Alaska staying there, thinking she’ll never be back, and shit, she missed Alaska.  
  
Katya thinks she's probably been away for a very very long time because gone was the naive little girl, gone was the pretty blonde, this Alaska is gorgeous, probably already taller than Katya, and she looks so peaceful. Katya just stood there watching her until she stirs and opens her eyes.  
  
Katya could feel every emotion coming back to her all at once, she felt her knees weaken and buckle, and she's kneeling now.  
  
"Hey, I'm back,"  
  
Alaska just watches her as she sits up. Not sure what to do when the person she'd been expecting the most and also the person she'd been expecting least shows up in front of her. There's so many emotions welling up inside of her right now, emotions she'd tried to calm and diminish, but proved to be stubborn, just like the woman, in front of her. Katya had changed a lot, but she still owns that perfect smile that Alaska loved so much, and the smile that she's searched for and missed the most.  
  
"Are you... just a figment of my imagination, like if I close my eyes, do you disappear, am I the only one who can see you, do you--"  
  
Katya grabs her hand and Alaska immediately has her eyes open, not sure when she had it closed because she was overwhelmed. Alaska focused on the girl touching her hand, Katya's blues, and she was not surprised that it still has that calming effect on her. But she's not calm. She's way far from calm. The love of her life has returned after so long. Alaska felt like she's been saved once again. Thoughts of spending all her time alone as a kid, popped up until Katya had saved her by taking her into adventures, swimming in the lake, treasure hunting, and believing that she exists before, and she is saving her from that same loneliness again. She was real enough for Katya, and that is the only validation that she wants, and all that she needs.

  
"I'm here, Alaska" Katya says as Alaska looks at their joined hands. Warm, Alaska closes her eyes and Katya squeezes her hand.  
  
"Alaska, pl--"  
  
"You're real, Katya," Alaska says as she opens her eyes, pure wonder and joy in them and Katya is overwhelmed at how beautiful her name sounds in Alaska's lips. "You're actually here, it took you long enough, I--"  
  
Katya did what she's been wanting to do for a long time now. She's crying now, she thought she'd never be able to taste her lips, hold her. Sure, Alaska's taller than her now, which was not how she imagined it to be, but she's reciprocating with as much passion, and it finally sinks in. Katya has Alaska back in her hands, and damn, it's the sweetest feeling ever. Like all of her hardships and hard work and patience paid off.  
  
"Can I do that again?" Katya asks once they've break apart.  
  
"Depends on when you'll be back."  
  
"I don't think I'm going anywhere else," and as promised, Alaska kisses her then, and Katya feels like she'd finally completed Katya.

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N: So it's kinda vague did Katya die, did Alaska really exist in the first place, was Alaska an imaginary friend of Katya, where did Alaska come from, is Alaska an actual alien, a ghost, was she stuck in the purgatory. See, i have all these questions too, and I didn't want to establish anything so idk feel free to tell me what you think about it, i hope.


End file.
